I is for Intelligence

(this is basically a rant about school and it's very long so don't read if you're not interested...i wrote it on sunday night and have not been bothered to edit it so it may seem weird when you read it...)


Seven weeks into the first term and I am already feeling the immense pressure of Year Eleven. The intimidating English essay focusing on four texts, the seemingly impossible amount of details needed to be memorised for Legal Studies and Ancient History, the daunting thought of memorising that entire Chemistry table of polyatomic ions and the overwhelming volume of Physics and Maths homework which I don't even understand.

My main issue is Maths. How can I put it, I'm just not happy with Mr. Watters, I mean you must be really unhappy with him if you reckon you did better with Jerry last year than you are doing now. It's because of the plain fact that Mr. Watters doesn't even focus on the theory side of topics, and if he does he just states it very briefly.

So you might be thinking, "Okay, you don't like him, so do something about it!" But be patient, for I will ask him to spend a bit more time writing up theory so I can understand, and hopefully that will solve all issues. BUT then we are forgetting the WAY he teaches things. Like let's say I ask him how to do a question, or I ask him about a problem I am having. He goes and explains it to me in the most difficult of ways. As Ying Ying put it, when you ask him about one question, he goes and explains the solution to another one. SO, if all else fails, I will ask to move down to Chiem's second class; I hear she's a good teacher.

Then comes Physics, which is getting better. Mrs. Chin is always helpful enough to put aside an entire period to explain something to you, so that's good. But then I go home and do homework and it seems like there is something else I don't understand.

Ah yes, that thing...homework. It feels like all my days are just being wasted hovering over a piece of paper now. Seriously, I go home to try and rest from the terrors of school but then I remember that I have homework. So I tackle that first, to leave more room for leisure at the end of the day, but I find that the homework already takes like three-quarters of my time up! This is mainly due to the fact that, once again, I don't even understand some parts of it. And seeing as my brother was overseas up until mid-Monday, most of the homework sessions resulted in me seeking a desperate last resort: futily emailing my brother in a vain attempt to fish out any knowledge I could maybe add to my very empty collection of Things I Learnt at School.

Suffice to say, having the first six weeks of Year Eleven without my brother around is not the greatest of school starters I have had.

Back to Maths (I'm typing in a Stream of Consciousness order, so bare with me): I feel like if I don't get this beginning bit right, I won't do well in the exam, and if I don't do well in the exam then I won't get into 4 unit Maths and risk having my parents be disappointed in me.

And that begs the question:

Do you even want to do 4 unit Maths?

No. I do not.

So then... don't do it?

But it's so high scaling and my parents sort of push me into doing it...

But then I realise that all this time I have thought that my parents just automatically assumed I would be taking up 4 unit Maths, or at least want to. Until that one day where my fathers asks, "So are you planning on going into 4 unit Maths?"

I thought the question was absurd. Why was he even asking me that? Hasn't he already assumed that I would be planning to go into it?

"....Yeah..."

"Oh that's good. It's always good to try these things out because they help you out a lot, like your brother had a very good UAI because he chose the right subjects."

Okay, so maybe he was just using that question as an excuse to set in me the drive to make it into the classes.

But I also assumed that my mother wanted me to adopt a 4 unit Maths lifestyle, until the day that I told her that I was worried because only 70 people get into it.

"4 unit Maths? Do you WANT to do it?"

"Yes", came my immediate response, as if animal instinct told me my life was going to be in danger if I said otherwise.

Then came a "...No... Not really..."

And that was the first time I realised that I actually never WANTED to do 4 unit Maths, I just assumed it was something I NEEDED to do because my brother did it. Just like in Year 8 how I WANTED to get into accelerated commerce, only to realise that no, I hated it and just felt like I had to do it because my brother did.

This whole comparison to my brother leaves me to feel extremely pressured to do well in everything. Why couldn't my brother get a UAI of 80 instead of 99.8?

If I was brought up in a different household and if it were up to me, I reckon I wouldn't even go to Uni. I don't want my life to have anything to do with this level of education. My dream life is to be my own boss, owning a shop that deals with food, not a degree.

But with this Asian mentality that good grades get good jobs which get good monies which get good successful life is just hammered into my brain and I can't get it out.

And it's really, really frustrating.


and now i'm getting tired... for this is far too long (i'm sorry...but i warned you...), but if you did end up to get this far into the blog then well done, i assure you there will be no more of this in a very long time (mainly because i will not be able to find the time to write something this long again unless it's an essay- my mum told me to stop maths because she saw how upset i was, so this is my leisure time...see what i mean...the only reason i finished 1984 was because i read on the bus to and from school...) so don't worry...more happy stuff will come.