On top of that, as we near the end of the year we might be deliberately or subconsciously thinking about what this year has been like, and what we would like to change for next year. For some, guilt could be a great motivator to make changes in your health, habits, and lifestyle, but for others, guilt could be associated with great shame, and so this act of making a New Year's resolution could be really distressing.
In response to this, I've made a list of 5 things that help me get through the holiday season (or any difficult period of time when I am feeling unhealthy, e.g. uni holidays, stress-eating when doing uni assignments, coming home from a birthday party, etc.). I'm obviously not a health professional so if you're struggling, do seek professional help, such as a psychologist that has experience with disordered eating, or a dietician. This is just a list of things that have helped me, and they have come from my dietician, psychologist, and personal experience. I hope they help you too!
When my dietician said this, I was so shocked. It was like this huge epiphany or revelation that had slammed into me. It might sound silly for people who have never had issues with food or their body image, but I just never realised that unhealthy food could still be good. I always thought, "If it's not healthy, it's bad for you." While I was thinking about it physically, I didn't at all think about it psychologically or mentally.
My dietician continued: "A donut is not bad. It may not be nutritional, but it brings you enjoyment. But if you're eating a donut for every single meal of every single day for 30 days, then that's bad."
So the next time you're worried because you ate something unhealthy, just remember: it's psychologically good for you!
Weight doesn't tell you everything. Weight includes not just fat, but also your bones, muscles, ligaments, and even the food and water you just consumed but will eventually leave your body.
What is imporant, though, is your strength and fitness.
6 years ago I was at my worst. I was underweight, barely eating, and exercising like crazy. I was so tired all the time. Last year, I was probably the most I've weighed, but I was training every week to be able to do the Everest Base Camp trek. If I didn't gain weight, and get stronger, there was no way that I could have finished the trek. I was struggling as is, but even though I had the flu, and all I wanted to do was curl up somewhere warm and just die instead of keep walking, I managed to get up to 5360m high, trekking for anywhere from 4-9 hours a day, for 8 days.
Even though I felt like I was dying, that whole experience made me feel truly alive. It allowed me to truly appreciate, experience, and live in the world. But I wouldn't have been able to do that if I were underweight. In fact, I barely got through it even after gaining weight and training the whole year. If anything, I should have gained even more weight to have stronger muscles to carry me further, and to have been able to insulate myself from the cold. Which brings me to my next point.
I asked my dietician, "You say I need to gain fat to be in the healthy range, but what even is the point of fat? How is more fat healthy?" It didn't make any sense to me.
She told me that fat is really important to insulate and protect my organs. It would help me in the cold (which, as I've already said, really hit me hard at Everest), but it would also help with my lupus. I don't have systemic lupus, I only have skin lupus thank goodness, but there's always that risk that it might turn into systemic lupus and attack my organs and my body. So having additional fat around my body is actually better for me.
Plus, as I have to gain around 5% body fat, my dietician has said that a small increase in fat isn't very noticeable.
Last week was quite bad for me, and I felt disgustingly fat because of all the food I had eaten in the last few days. I was telling my dietician about how gross I had been feeling, and how many unhealthy things I ate. She asked me whether I thought I had gained or lost weight (she weighs me but it's a blind weighing so I don't see how much I weigh, since that can be very triggering). I told her I thought I gained weight. A lot of weight.
But... she told me that I had actually lost weight!
Although that wasn't the goal (since she wants me to gain weight and fat), she said it just goes to show that just because I think I've gained weight, doesn't mean that I actually have. (But again remember that weight isn't all that important and it includes muscle weight too.)
My psychologist was the one that told me this, and I thought it was actually a really good approach to changing my diet.
When people (or at least people with disordered eating) go "on diets" or, for a better phrase, change their diets, a lot of it revolves around getting rid of foods. You've been eating unhealthily, so you get rid of unhealthy food. You've been eating too much, so you eat less or reduce your calories.
Instead, you should look at introducing healthy food into your diet. For example, introducing salad into your main meals, and fruit into your snacks; or: introducing lentils and legumes into your main meals, and nuts into your snacks.
When you start introducing healthy food, you naturally tend to eat less unhealthy food, but you're still eating the same number of meals and the same amount of food as you were before, so it's not restrictive. Hopefully this allows you to have a healthier relationship with food.
So those are the things that are helping me right now. I hope they help you too, and if you have anything else that helps you, feel free to let me know what they are!
Happy holidays, Merry Christmas, and have a fabulous New Year!
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