Music is catharsis

I can't seem to find release or enjoyment out of anything else.

Crying is cathartic, but by the end your eyes are all swollen and you just feel shit.

Eating no longer is therapeutic because every mouthful, even if it's a healthy meal, is followed by a strong urge to vomit it up.

I can't read.

I can't watch movies or TV shows at home because I don't feel like it.

I can't exercise because I can't push myself to start.

It takes every ounce of energy for me to concentrate on my studies, to the point where I don't have the energy to do anything else, even if it's to sit back and watch something mindlessly.

But music is the definition of catharsis.

There are no songs about eating disorders, and I can't think of many that are related to depression, but everyone understands love, and how heartbreak feels.

In a time where I feel more lonely than ever, more people are reaching out to me. My family is being more loving and caring than I've ever seen them be. In a way, it's great. In a different way, it's shit.

I have to go through heartache and the end of an era of love for them to support and care for me. Because they wouldn't show this same amount of support for other things. It's only because everyone loves and knows what love is. It's only because heartbreak is something everyone understands and everyone goes through in life, most often more than once.

So do I have to keep getting my heart broken for my family to love me?

Why don't they support me through my depression or my eating disorder?

In a way, I feel more lonely than ever.