Pain demands to be felt

In The Fault in Our Stars, Augustus says, "That’s the thing about pain. It demands to be felt."

I thought I would be okay at uni today, as I had a long day and I thought it could provide a good distraction. Unfortunately, I was mistaken.

At uni, I feel this presence constantly in my peripherals. Like a creepy stalker you can never quite catch. But it wasn't a stalker, it was Pain.

Pain followed me on the bus and sat next to me, but I was trying not to look at him. Pain walked behind me in between classes, breathing down upon my neck. I tried to ignore him. In class, Pain kept pulling on my sleeves. For a brief moment, I looked at Pain, tears welling up in my eyes. But I was in class, and Pain had to be dealt with later. And then in class, we were discussing eating disorders and it eventually gave Pain a chance to speak, with his voice of non-reason adding more layers to my agony. But I still tried to suppress Pain. I'm trying to study on my break right now, trying to give my mind something to do, but Pain keeps whispering in my ear and I can't concentrate.

It hurts because I don't want to succumb to it, but I know that when I get home, away from the eyes of strangers, away from the busyness of the public, Pain will overcome me. And I will be too weak to stop him. But that's okay, because Pain demands to be felt.